We speak of aging like it is a problem to be solved. The truth is, aging is a pretty good sign that you are winning. You are still here. We are here. And who knows? You might even be here for another day tomorrow.

What are some of the things that come up for you about getting older? About aging? What are some of the thoughts that run through your mind on a regular basis?

When asking women about this, there is quite a range of responses. Some women bemoan the signs of a body that’s been on the planet for a while: wrinkles, some saggy bits, curves and softness where there didn’t used to be curves and softness. Others speak of uncertainty and change ahead. Feeling like there’s less time.

But, why are those things a problem? Maybe it’s because we think they’re a problem. Let’s set that aside for a moment, however, and think about caterpillars.

Caterpillars start out all long and sleek, with legs for days. They’re young and firm. All those sexy stripes and dots. They can eat all day and not feel bloated or fat; they just keep on doing the same thing the next day. Ah, to be a caterpillar, right?

At some point, of course, if it isn’t eaten by a bird, that caterpillar will begin the most dramatic change in the life cycle of a butterfly—the change referred to as metamorphosis. Inside the pupa or chrysalis, the caterpillar actually turns to liquid as it transforms into a butterfly, the adult stage. During metamorphosis, the body tissues of the caterpillar are completely reorganized to produce the adult butterfly that emerges.

Any single individual of any species is going to have the same DNA throughout its entire lifespan. What changes in butterflies, particularly between a caterpillar and an adult butterfly, is they go through metamorphosis.

A couple of days before the butterfly emerges, the chrysalis changes color, and the butterfly’s patterns and color can be seen through the chrysalis. The butterfly breaks out of the protective chrysalis and pumps blood into its newly formed wings. Then, it flies away.

So, which do you find more beautiful? The caterpillar or the butterfly?

The answer to that is likely to be partly the result of cultural conditioning. We celebrate the beauty of the butterfly—all kinds of butterflies, in all kinds of shapes, sizes, colors and patterns. What if in the life cycle of a woman, we are either entering or are in our butterfly stage?

We are so conditioned to think of butterflies as the beautiful culmination of a transformation. What if we were to see our own aging as a similar culmination of a transformation? What if we thought about aging as a shifting into a metamorphosis—in which we go in one way, and come out transformed and taking up new space and stretching our newly formed wings and taking flight?

Ah, but I sense you have a question. How long does a caterpillar live before it turns into a butterfly? Wait until you hear this. Many species will spend less than a week undergoing metamorphosis, but most will emerge as a butterfly within about three weeks. Some butterflies, however, may wait as long as three years to leave the chrysalis, but this has less to do with the rigors of the metamorphosis and more to do with the environment around them.

We can tend to the environment our own metamorphosis needs to have us emerge as our own form of butterflies. The most important environment to tend to is in our thoughts and the way we speak to ourselves.

There are many aspects to this, but you can’t go wrong focusing on moving from a paradigm of self-rejection to self-reflection. When you think about it, much of what we have a problem with when it comes to getting older is about aesthetics.

Consider, however, that how old we feel and seem is much more about a way of being. “Arguably, however, emulating the aesthetics of youth is to misunderstand and misinterpret the essence of youthfulness, which is so much more than a physical statement. It means being able to take new chances and try new things. It equals optimism, positivity and vitality—traits that have nothing to do with appearance,” explained Kiran Sidhu.

The most youthful people—the ones whose energy attracts—are engaged with life and are governed by curiosity.

To what extent have you internalized the negative aging stereotypes you’ve been fed all your life? Do you lie about your age or feel self-conscious when you “date yourself” in some way? Do you assume your age is going to be a problem when it comes to love and intimacy? Do you assume younger people will find you boring or irrelevant? Do you accept that it’s too late to do lots of things?

What if what you’ve assumed is true about getting older is not necessarily so? Ageism manifests in so many ways, we want to be very vigilant and aware of what we allow in our own personal ecosystem. The ageist beliefs zap our energy.

Do you want to live the life you’ve been told to expect, or do you want to be the storyteller? It’s in our later seasons that we have the deep roots and the strength to take new kinds of chances in life—the kinds of chances that stretch your spirit the way it wants to be stretched. This period of life could be all about ascension, dancing at the edge of what you think you know and giving yourself permission to speak and sing and soar.

Take chances. Remember how willing you were in your teens and twenties to be open to things, to take risks. Consider that the older we get, the better prepared we are for risks. We’ve been around, we’ve had experiences and we know things. We’ve experienced failures and setbacks and lived to not only tell the tale, but write a whole new story.

You were built for this. This is, in many ways, the cool part. There is experience and strength when you get to this point in life, the ability to withstand windy days, a solidity. And yet you’re still growing. And gloriously beautiful. You’re a woman fully alive and growing and glowing into her fullness, like a big tree that’s been there for a long time.